Tears of Rain
by Lady Sanzennine
Summary: [On hiatus] The essence of love is trust. SessRin
1. 1

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

**Author's Forward**: This is not a typical Rin-is-human-Sess-is-demon-they-can't-be-together-but-Sess-will-fall-in-love-anyways-yay!-the-end! Fic. However, it may take a chapter or two to get past this initial misconception. ToR deals with many issues, such as, **why is Sess so cold**? What happened to him to make him that way? What's Rin going to do about it? Is she going to remain an emotionally dependent little girl? _Can_ he love her if he's incapable of trusting anyone? Can _she_ really love him as she is now?

Secondly, my primary goal in this story is **to make the romance as absolutely realistic as possible**, while keeping everyone in character. With that in mind, any comments that you might have about this matter would be greatly appreciated. One of the first things that might pop up is the issue of the **naginata** (blade mounted on a pole). Bushi women of the Sengoku Jidai (Warring States Period, circa 1467- 1568) did actually wield naginatas. Given the lack of safety during these periods, it makes sense that women would need to be ready to defend their homes and families from invaders in the absence of their husbands who were on the battlefield. This is my reasoning for Rin's use of the polearm. Not so much that I am trying to make her as perfect and Mary-Sue like as possible, but rather in keeping with accuracy and as a helpful plot device.

Yes, I'm meticulous when it comes to my research. :)

With that said, I hope that this story does not disappoint you. Either way, whether you enjoy it or not, comments are always welcome.

See my bio page for a link to my cover art for this fic.

* * *

He couldn't love her. It was a simple impossibility, brought about for simple reasons.

Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands hated humans. They were vile. They were despicable. Weak, greedy, conniving, dishonorable, and disgusting in _every_ way. Their scent reeked of death and waste, foul to the very core.

And he would not, would _not_ permit the bloodline of his noble father from becoming diluted any further. This Sesshoumaru would not spawn some pathetic hanyou like his half-brother.

Yes, humans were revolting, and he could barely stand to be near them.

But…

She was different.

Did that warrant nothing?

She had not a trace of greed within her. Had no need of jewelry or expensive gifts or far reaching lands and power over its people. It seemed to him that all she needed in life was a field of wildflowers and the knowledge that she pleased him.

She didn't smell like other humans either. _They _stank of corruption. She was sunshine and earth.

No.

_No_.

He would _not_ repeat the mistakes of his father. Taking that vile human woman to mate, producing that hanyou brother of his, bringing damnation upon his head and that of all his territories.

This Sesshoumaru was wise enough to learn from the mistake of his predecessors.

Rin was nothing. Just an amusement he kept around because it pleased him to do so. She was just a weak human. Frail and useless.

She should have been married years ago, he realized suddenly. Other human women of her age would have borne several children by now. She should have been living happily in some meager human village with her own family. Her own cubs.

A low growl unconsciously manifested itself in the depths of his throat at the thought of his Rin mated to some unworthy _boy_.

His Rin.

His Rin who would dance so carefree among the flowers and play her pipe for him with that bright light in her eyes and do anything just to make him smile.

And she _was_ his, he thought with a pang of possessiveness. He would never stand to see her in the arms of such a low creature. She deserved more than anything a mere human could offer her.

But…she was a woman. She needed company and people. She would soon need a real family. She needed…love.

He could offer her none of that.

Certainly she deserved all of that and more.

Perhaps that was the best way then. To send her off with all she would need to live in an acceptable human village. To let her find her own acceptable human mate. At least then she could no longer tear him so. Then he wouldn't have to smell her heat that time each month and expend so much energy just to fight off his baser instincts.

She was beautiful, he admitted, for a human at least. When he'd first saved her life as a child, he recalled that she'd been what humans would call "adorable," and had slowly proceeded to grow into a stunning woman. Her black locks fell straight down her back to her thighs, kept in perfect condition, a habit she picked up from his example. The childish side-ponytail was gone, but her large brown eyes held all of their original innocence and laughter.

Day after day she did everything she could to procure his favor. Didn't she realize that she already had that and more?

It was not enough, he supposed.

He could never give her what she needed to truly live; to truly be happy.

Because she was a human. It was…he sighed. It was a simple impossibility.

Human? No. It was not that. Even though her blood smelled of humanity, she was unique and completely different from those he detested. She was light.

But he…he was a youkai. A youkai lord. He governed the Western Lands. Strength and stoicism were the only ways to survive. No weakness could be permitted. Rin was…

His Rin was his only weakness, proven time and time again as she was kidnapped and he wasted precious time and willingly sustained injuries to seek her out. To bring her back. To keep her would be his downfall, and he would walk the exact same maligned path as his deceased father.

If Lord Sesshoumaru had been a man inclined to laughter of any sort, he would have laughed bitterly at himself.

Enough peripheral reasons. There was no denying it. He cared about the girl that had stayed faithfully by his side almost all of her life. The girl who had always so blindly put her trust in him, even when her own kind had tried to beat it out of her. He _cared_ about a human girl; a human woman.

He cared about her too much as it was, but simply caring would not be enough. As she aged, it would take its toll upon her and the laughter would slowly fade from her eyes. Sesshoumaru would not let that happen to his Rin.

This Sesshoumaru…This Sesshoumaru did not trust.

This Sesshoumaru could not love.

* * *

Lyralina 


	2. 2

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

Rin sat silently in her favorite place within the walled gardens. Even before she had appeared in her lord's life he had kept an immaculate garden behind the castle. Full of the brightest and most beautiful blooms she'd ever had the pleasure of seeing, it never failed to bring her joy.

She'd been given everything. An orphaned street urchin handed the life of a princess by the man who'd saved her life all those years ago. Her lord indulged her every whim; she wanted for nothing.

Rin smiled, recalling that first day after he'd revived her.

* * *

_"Thank you Mr. Fuzzy Man! Rin is very grateful!" She chirped with a bright grin._

_There was a sudden clunking sound to the left and she tilted her head to the side wondering why the green toad thing had just fallen on his face. She giggled as his ugly staff thing fell after him to strike him in the head._

_When Rin turned back, she saw he savior's face. Why didn't Mr. Fuzzy Man smile or frown or _anything_, she wondered? The child shrugged to herself. "Rin thinks Mr. Fuzzy man looks like an angel!"_

_Though his expression never changed, she somehow sensed that he was getting annoyed with her. Her small teeth bit down gently on her lower lip in contemplation._

_"Your name is Rin, correct?" he asked. His voice was low and cultured._

_"Yep!" Rin skipped a step forward, "Rin's name is Rin!"_

_"You will henceforth address this Sesshoumaru as 'my lord,' or 'Lord Sesshoumaru'. Is that understood, Rin?"_

_Rin shrugged, wondering what a 'lord' was. For that matter, what was a 'Sesshoumaru?' Oh well, that hardly mattered to her. In the next moment, she had latched herself to his leg, heedless of the fact that she was still covered in dirt and blood and probably getting his immaculate clothes dirty by her actions. "Rin loves Lord Sesshoumaru!"_

_Jaken's eyes bugged out as he quickly picked himself off the ground. "My-my l-lord! Why does the Great Sesshoumaru allow this lowly human to-" He threw himself to the ground at a single expressionless glance from his master. "This lowly Jaken is not questioning the decisions of the venerable and wise Lord Sesshoumaru. No, never! This Jaken just…does not understand why…"_

_The toad continued to grovel while Rin looked on in confusion. When Sesshoumaru began turning away from his servant, she immediately released his leg and watched as he walked away, completely ignoring Jaken. She turned her head back and forth, from master to servant._

_Sesshoumaru spoke without turning back. "Come along, Rin. We're leaving."_

* * *

For years she'd continued thinking of him as Mr. Fuzzy Man, though she was always careful to address him properly as she came to learn of just who he was. Her Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands.

He protected her. He provided for her. He saved her again and again.

Though he never really expressed his affection for her, she knew it was there. He never said a word related to the subject, but it was there in the way that he'd tolerated her all these years when he wouldn't stand to be in another human's company for any extended period of time. In the way that he let her sleep curled around his stole during the cold winter nights. In the way that he always tried to make sure she'd be safe when he had to go away from her.

He never smiled at her, but that was okay because he never smiled period.

Rin often wondered how happy her lord really was.

She sighed, twirling the stem of the simple daisy between her thumb and forefinger. She knew he cared about her. She _knew_ it deep inside, regardless of his complete stoicism and the fact that he never directly said anything like that. That was just the way he was.

And she loved him.

But sometimes…just loving isn't enough.

* * *

"Rin, come here."

She glanced up and towards her lord. That was interesting. It seemed as though he'd been avoiding her for quite some time. Rin wondered what was up, and with a mental shrug and a bright smile, she made her way over to where Sesshoumaru sat in his chair in the great hall.

She knelt in front of him and folded her legs beneath her. "My lord?"

It seemed like he just _stared_ at her forever, without moving or saying a word. Almost without blinking.

Rin fidgeted and made a small sound in her throat.

Finally he spoke. "Rin, you're eighteen years old now, correct?" At her nod, he continued, "You should have married years ago. Jaken has located a human village of decent size and wealth. It…" he paused briefly and there was an imperceptible tightening of his mouth, "…will do."

This was the right decision, Sesshoumaru told himself, for both of them. She could lead a normal human life, and he could lead a normal youkai life. She could produce normal human progeny, and he full-blooded youkai heirs. She could find some farmer boy who would feel that emotion they called love for her. She could be happy.

And once she was no longer within his castle, no longer at his side when they journeyed over the Western territories, she would no longer be his weakness. Her scent would no longer call to him and heat his blood. His enemies could no longer try to strike at him through her.

She'd be safer away from him. His hold over his lands would not be threatened by disgruntled youkai lords who thought him weak for being so attached to a mere human.

Besides, a human lifespan was so fleeting. He could go off to patrol his borders once and by the time he returned, his Rin would have already withered away. In the blink of an eye she would be gone forever, and he would not miss her. He would not.

"M-My lord's…sending me away…?" Rin choked out. Her eyes were wide in shock. "What have I done? Have I displeased you?" Her thoughts flew faster than she'd ever experienced, trying to figure out _what_ was going on. Surely she had done something. Was he finally fed up with her? Finally tired of her weak humanity? Had she been too noisy as to cause him irritation?

Where would she go? On her own?

_How could he do this to her?_

"No, Rin. You haven't displeased me." Sesshoumaru answered.

"Then _why?_" she cried.

She could survive on her own. This she knew with absolute certainty. Even if he kicked her out with only the clothes on her back without any direction, she could survive. Her travels with him had taught her how to find and catch food and how to protect herself against weak demons wandering the lands. The education she'd received from him and the tutors he'd hired for her guaranteed her success in any village she might choose to permanently reside in.

But without him?

"It is the best course for us all," he told her calmly.

Rin desperately scanned his face. Looking for something – for _anything_ – to give her a hint as to what was going on in his mind.

"I thought you cared about me," she whispered. That she did not use his title did not go unnoticed by either of them. She simply didn't care enough to at that moment.

Had she been wrong? About everything? Had Jaken been right all along, when he said all those terrible things to her? When he called her useless and a nuisance and nothing but some fleeting entertainment for their lord?

He said nothing.

_Nothing!_ Her mind was screaming at her. Why? _What_ had she done _wrong_?

What could she do now?

"Jaken has prepared for your departure tomorrow morning. He will take you to the village, and you can take anything you need from the castle."

She didn't move even after a lengthy silence. She couldn't seem to move any part of her body as she continued to stare into his eyes dumbfounded.

"Rin, get up," Sesshoumaru ordered. "Pack all that you need, now. You will head for the village early in the morning."

She found her mind to be completely blank. Mentally exhausted and emotionally paralyzed, she rose shakily to her feet and made her way blindly to the door. If she just slept on it, maybe she would have enough control over her faculties to convince him to let her stay. Or maybe when the sun rose he would change his mind.

Rin silently laughed to herself. Who was she kidding? Lord Sesshoumaru _never_ changed his mind. His stubbornness was just one of the reasons why she loved him so deeply.

She turned back to him when she reached the doorway, her hand braced against its frame. This could be her last opportunity, and no matter what, it had to be done. All the years since she'd matured, she'd kept it hidden and unvoiced. And regardless of the consequences, she needed to stop hiding. To stop pretending. She needed to let him know.

"My lord," she whispered. A human would never have heard her with such distance between them. But she knew his sharp ears would pick up her words perfectly. "I love you."

Nothing but silence greeted her confession.

Well what had she honestly expected? She _knew_ that would be his reaction. She knew nothing would be gained by telling him the truth. She knew that there would be no sudden epiphany on his part and that it was idiocy to think otherwise.

Had she expected him to suddenly declare, 'Oh Rin, my sweetheart! I love you too! Come and be my mate, and Lady of the Western Lands and we shall live happily ever after and love shall conquer all!'

No.

No, she had expected nothing of the sort.

Then why did it still _hurt_ so much?

* * *

Lyralina 


	3. 3

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

.

.

Rin ran blindly to her room, ignoring all the curious and worried looks the castle servants sent her way. She shoved open the door and slammed it behind her without noticing the little toad youkai who had trailed after her. She felt, surprisingly, nothing.

Just emptiness.

She stumbled to her bed, richly laden with expensive silks that had all been provided by her lord Sesshoumaru. He who had given her everything. 

_Everything_ except the one thing that mattered.

_I have no right to be feeling like this_, Rin told herself angrily. _I _knew _he didn't feel the same. I've always known. Confirmation doesn't change anything._

So why did it feel like a part of her had just died? 

If all was as it always had been, then why _now_ did she feel so incomplete? As though a piece of her soul had been transferred from her possession into his keeping? After all, she'd loved him for so long without feeling so broken.

_Because deep inside, you were always dreaming, you stupid child. _Her inner voice was vicious. _You never gave up hoping that he felt the same and just wouldn't say it._

No, she'd never stopped thinking, that maybe, just _maybe_ he really did belong to her as thoroughly as she belonged to him. Even when day by day she'd sigh and admit the truth – that it was all an elaborate, naïvely optimistic fantasy on her part – there was still that small part of her that clung to whatever threads of love she felt existed.

But optimism had been proven completely wrong, hadn't it? Not only did he not love her, he didn't even care enough to let her remain with him!

Rin felt the sting of tears but fought them successfully as she lay unmoving on the center of that lush bed.

He wanted to send her to a human village? To find some human boy to mate with and spend the rest of her life with? 

_Why?_

'It's the best course for us all,' he'd said.

She sprang into a sitting position and grabbed the pillow by her side. With all the bitterness threatening to consume her, she whipped it across the room. Her hands clenched tightly into fists by her side, her body shaking with the force of the emotions assailing her.

The best course for them all? Who was_ them?_

How could he not understand that the last place she wanted to be was with humans? How long had it been since she'd had extensive human contact? Twelve years! Her last true memory of them-

Rin breathed with difficulty. 

Her last memory of them was full of nothing but pain and cruelty. Fists and feet descending on her tiny frame and blood and dirt and swollen eyes she could barely see out of. She could find no trace of their kindness or their acceptance in the memories of her childhood. Only the faintest images of what she assumed to have been her family before they were slaughtered. But those memories were so old, from a time when she was just a toddler, that she could recall nothing of their love. 

Then _he_ had come.

He had owed her nothing, but he'd given her life anyway. When all she'd felt was despised, he'd taken care of her. Though cold and often silent, he'd never raised a harsh hand to her. Though her constant chatter and childish antics _must_ have annoyed him, as Jaken was so fond of reminding her, he'd never snapped at her to shut up.

The world saw an ice prince in her lord, but she knew better. A heartless demon would not have taken a human child under his wing. Would not have done all he had to keep her safe…

To keep her by his side.

What the world was blinded to, she saw with a clarity that cut her to the core. Pain. Emptiness. Loneliness? 

_"Lord Sesshoumaru!" the child Rin twirled around and around with her arms in the air as he looked on without expression. "Rin wants to know why you never smile!"_

What had happened to him? In those years long before she'd come into the world?

_"Rin doesn't think Lord Sesshoumaru is very happy. Will Lord Sesshoumaru tell Rin why?"_

Well after that he'd left her alone with Jaken and Ah Un for a week. She couldn't remember how often she'd cried during that time or how often she'd sung those silly songs she'd made up about him. After that she'd never brought up the subject again.

She never forgot, though. She dared not push on the issue, but she knew he harbored deep scars that she would bet had never healed properly.

What she wouldn't give to be able to draw out all of his pain. To absorb it into herself and lock it away there so it could never hurt him again. If her suffering could wash away his, she would have made the deal in a heartbeat.

_How _could he make her leave?

If she couldn't bear the thought of leaving his side, how could he?

_Well he doesn't love you. That might be a factor, _her thoughts snapped sarcastically. 

So then, that was it? She would leave at daybreak, out of his life forever to live among "her own kind?" Half-whole and broken and married to a man she would never love?

Would Sesshoumaru miss her?

Or would each day pass as it always had before she'd become a part of his life. Would he go on ruling his lands and patrolling his borders, hardly even noticing the loss of her laughter? And in a youkai instant she would already be old and ugly. 

How could he just throw her out of his life like this? Didn't he need her at all?

After all she…she…

What _did_ she do for him? 

She brought his tea and his meals to him. She picked him flowers each day.

Rin suddenly laughed out loud. Not a normal sound of merriment, but full of bitterness. If he needed things brought to him, there were always countless willing servants to do the job. If he had any love for flowers, he could have those brought to him as well. He probably didn't even appreciate the gesture. Or understand the feelings behind them.

He didn't need her at all.

Whatever leftover energy she possessed seemed to evaporate at that moment. She sat with her legs folded beneath her on the center of her bed, her head hung low. 

If he didn't love her, and he didn't need her, and there was no chance of a future for the two of them anyway given circumstances, then why would he bother to keep her around? If she was always underfoot and always making mistakes and so damn noisy like Jaken kept telling her. 

If her main goal in life was to make him smile just once, and yet she hadn't even managed something that small their twelve years together…

Then why bring the both of them more misery?

Maybe he was right. Maybe this was the best course. When had he made a bad decision in the past?

She collapsed backwards and stretched out her legs. She'd never disobeyed him before. Why should she start now? If this made him happy, then so be it. She would leave tomorrow morning for the village with Jaken.

Rin jumped to her feet so quickly she had to place a hand on the side of her head to control the lightheadedness and swimming spots before her eyes.

Like _hell_ she was going to just wait until he kicked her out of his life and then meekly follow through with orders that would further break her heart. Like hell. 

She was _his_ Rin, damn it! And Lord Sesshoumaru had taught his Rin well. Yes, she was perfectly obedient when she should be, but this was _not_ such a case. She would not ignore everything her soul was screaming at her.

Yes, she would leave. Tonight. But not towards some random village that "would do," to live a life without him. If he didn't want her around because she didn't serve any purpose, then she would prove him wrong. She would find a way to be useful to him. She would find a way to make him need her as much as she needed him.

She would find a way to make him love her.

She already had an idea.

She turned to her bed and pulled the sheet free. Quickly and silently she gathered what she would need. Little more than bare essentials. Clothes, her naginata, supplies she would need to keep her alive out there. She wrapped the articles of clothing around the sword to protect it, then folded and tied the bed sheet into a traveling pack. Her feet carried her swiftly to the balcony. After a few moments of silent observation to ensure that all servants had retired for the night, she dropped the pack, watching it land quietly on top of a bush in the gardens. 

Rin walked in the gardens all the time, so no one suspected anything when she answered their questions with, "Tonight's my last night here. I want to enjoy the gardens one last time."

Neither Sesshoumaru nor Jaken were to be seen. For that she was grateful. They would have known something was wrong.

When she'd retrieved her traveling pack, she headed to where Ah Un was kept housed. The two-headed beast growled happily when it caught sight of her, but a single finger raised to her lips silenced them immediately. She petted both of them affectionately, resting her head against their side with her eyes closed. She wanted to take them with her, but something inside said no.

Rin raised her head and looked into each pair of eyes for a moment.

"Take care of him? For me?"

The creature growled in response, though Rin doubted that they really understood what she'd said. With a final rub, she turned on her heel with her back held straight.

She didn't look back until she was off the castle grounds. Rin turned then, slowly, to regard the shadowed castle, hardly more than a looming silhouette in the dim moonlight. Her home. His home.

She stood there in silence, her mind empty. Finally she whispered, then turned back to the path she'd chosen.

"I love you."

.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

.

~Lyralina~


	4. 4

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

.

.

It wasn't safe traveling by night, so Rin stopped to set up camp at the first cave she found. Thankfully, it was far enough away that she could no longer see the castle. A quick survey of the area found it suitable for a night's rest. She'd never traveled alone like this, only with Sesshoumaru, Jaken and Ah Un, so she was anxious about the necessity of sleeping lightly. Whenever the four had ventured out in the past, Sesshoumaru was always the one to keep watch the whole night through. He never slept when away from the castle, he'd told her. 

She dropped her traveling pack on the hard-packed dirt of the cave floor and bent down to untie the bed sheet. She pulled her naginata free and took a moment to admire its beauty. Sesshoumaru had given it to her in her early teenage years, when she had grown restless and he thought she might need something to occupy her time. An elegant weapon reserved for females of the nobility, it was the only weapon she was technically allowed to wield. Though she was not of noble blood, Sesshoumaru had made allowances and hired teachers for her anyways. 

Rin gripped the pole of the weapon tightly, its blade pointing upwards. She left the cave with it in hand and went in search of firewood. Should demons decide to attack, provided that they were weak, she would be able to handle them. 

The small fire started, she curled up in front of it, facing the entrance of the cave. The naginata lay beside her and her hand rested lightly on the shaft. She could sleep lightly enough to be able to wake up in time if anything went wrong, she was sure of it. 

Tomorrow she would continue on to Kaede's village. 

.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

.

_"Mind your own business. I don't like human food."_

_The child Rin's face fell at that. Well now that wasn't very nice. She was only trying to help the pretty fuzzy man. But that was okay! She could tell he was hurt really badly, even if he wouldn't act like it. And being hurt always made people grumpy._

_So if the fuzzy man wanted to be grumpy, that was fine with Rin. She liked him anyways._

_She shot him a toothy smile before turning and running away, the leaf laden with mushrooms and a fish still in hand. _

_"Greedy brat!"_

_"…taking as you please…"_

_"…do it again and we'll kill you!"_

_The man's fist impacted her eye with a sickening sound. It felt like her tiny ribs were cracking from their vicious kicks._

_She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't scream. She hadn't done so since her parents' deaths. Why give _them _the satisfaction of seeing that? Fine, they wouldn't let her take fish from the stream again, that didn't mean she would just give up on helping her new friend. She'd just have to think of something else._

_She would not let them break her._

.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

.

_The pain was beyond anything he'd ever experienced before. But more importantly, the sheer _loss_ he was feeling was almost enough to drive him mad. Regardless, this Sesshoumaru would not display such weakness, even when alone in the forest. _

_His _arm_!_

_What was a youkai who lacked a left arm?_

_What was an _inu_-youkai without his left arm? The great and widely feared dog demon with a missing leg?!_

_Crippled._

_This Sesshoumaru was permanently _crippled_ because he'd made the unforgivable mistake of underestimating that revolting half-brother of his. He would not make such a miscalculation again._

_But that would not bring back his arm._

_His face remained completely impassive. His eyes cold. There was no power on the earth that could restore the lost appendage, of this he was certain. Nothing would…_

_He closed his eyes for a moment, fighting to stave off the inner hysteria. He had done so successfully for some time now, since that original battle against his half-brother. He would continue to succeed in this, no matter how much it ate away at him._

_Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands had failed._

_Repeatedly._

_Not only had he failed to obtain Tetsusaiga, his father's fang, he'd also failed to destroy it. Had it not been for the worthless Tenseiga, the sword that couldn't cut, he would also have failed to keep himself alive. As it was, he'd failed to keep his body whole._

_He opened his eyes calmly when his sharp ears detected the sound of quick steps towards him. He was accustomed to it now, the sound of that little human girl who insisted on trying to feed him. A useless endeavor. This Sesshoumaru would not stoop so low as to consume human food. _

_Nevertheless, her actions were…_

_Touching?_

_He dismissed the thought as quickly and casually as he always dismissed the "food" she brought him. _

_When he was about to turn away from her, he noticed the ugly bruises and welts that covered her body and face. Immediately, outrage flooded through him. He could smell the disgusting scent of infection on her. How had this happened? Why had she not been cleaned properly? Where were her people and why were they not taking proper care of one of their own pups?_

_Why did he care?_

_What creature could be so dishonorable as to abuse a child-_

_"What happened to your face?" He didn't look at her as he spoke those words._

_She beamed at him and at that moment the Taiyoukai of the West felt something shift within him._

_When he found her lifeless body later, it was that face that forbid him from just leaving her there - the image of an innocent human child, happily grinning through a face full of bruises. Smiling up at him because he had shown such a minimal amount of concern for her. And those same young features looking so sad when he refused her help again and again._

_This human pup had _cared_ for him, without the slightest reason to. He had no need of her assistance since Tenseiga and his own healing abilities were sufficient, given enough resting time. But what she had done…_

_By human standards, the Lord of the Western Lands had lived a very long life already. In those endless years, when had someone last shown him…_

_He drew Tenseiga without another thought, silencing his inner contemplations. The graceful, harmless katana held high in the air, he could see the spirits taking hold of the child's soul to carry her to the next world. He advanced, slashed what appeared to be the air around her body, killing the spirits. _

_Such a worthless sword for a demon lord. The sword that could not cut. The sword that could do no damage whatsoever. The sword that afforded its master no power._

_The sword that had given him his most precious possession._

_The child Rin opened her eyes, and that endlessly joyful grin was there again, directed up at him. For the first time since his vulnerable childhood, Sesshoumaru felt an irrational twinge of fear. _

_This one insignificant slip of a human girl, with her generous smiles-_

_Sesshoumaru sheathed Tenseiga with a fluid motion and turned on his heel. Ignoring both the child and his retainer Jaken, he walked away from the bloodstained site. _

_"So that's the power of Tenseiga," he said nonchalantly._

_The unfamiliar sensation induced by the sound of her trailing after him worried him more than anything._

_._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

_._

_"Mr. Fuzzy Man! Mr. Fuuuuuuuuuzzy Maaaaaaaaaaan!" A brief pause as the girl refilled her lungs. "Rin looooooooves Mr. Fuzzy Man!"_

_Jaken face-faulted so hard, Sesshoumaru could feel the reverberations of the ground._

_So the child isn't mute after all, he thought wryly._

_._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

.

She was gone.

With the sunrise, Sesshoumaru came out of his deep meditation and the first thing he noticed was that her scent had faded. What little continued to linger in the air was faint enough to assure him that she was already far from the castle grounds.

Out of his life forever.

He steadfastly ignored the vague feeling of loss within him and rose from his lotus position on the floor. He calmly walked over to the low square table that sat in the center of the room. It was the table that held the vase of fresh flowers that Rin picked for him daily. A modest arrangement of simple blooms – lavender aijisai, bright pink azalia, clusters of snow willow and sakura, and always a single perfect lotus. 

Beautiful flowers, always afforded the most tender treatment at her hands-

They always died by morning.

A flower's lifespan was so fleeting, he merely turned around and they had already withered away, lost to the world forever. 

With a soft sigh, Sesshoumaru allowed his fingers to stroke the wilted petals of the white lotus blossom, always mindful of his claws. 

_So fleeting…_

He gathered the dead flowers in his hand and disposed of them.

.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

.

~Lyralina~


	5. 5

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

* * *

"What did you just say?" Sesshoumaru demanded coolly. 

"Master! This worthless Jaken," the toad threw himself prostrate onto the floor by his lord's feet, "This stupid, useless, _lowly_ Jaken does not know where Rin is. Please, please forgive me, my lord!" He cowered with his arms wrapped around his head, the Staff of Heads long forgotten by his side.

True, the human girl was supposed to have left the castle, but she was supposed to have left _with_ him to a designated village where they could check up on her if necessary. Jaken was smart enough to realize that though Sesshoumaru had finally done the logical thing and put the girl away, a part of the taiyoukai still saw her as his property. And that meant his to protect as well.

"You let her leave by herself?" Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed gold and Jaken would have given anything – except possibly his head, he was rather attached to it – to be able to read his lord's expressions.

"No, milord! This Jaken would _never_ disobey the mighty Sesshoumaru's orders! I swear! This lowly Jaken would sooner cut off his own hands then go against my lord's orders! This Jaken would-"

"Stop groveling, you worthless toad, and tell me what happened."

Jaken swallowed hard, his eyes darting around nervously. Though his demeanor never betrayed anything, years of service under the Western Lord had taught Jaken to recognize when his lord was angry. And right now, he was extremely angry. And when Sesshoumaru got angry, rocks and other hard, painful objects had a tendency to gravitate quite forcefully towards the lower youkai's head.

"I-I woke up at dawn, my lord, to prepare Ah Un to take Rin to the village. Then I went to her room to bring her down, but it was empty!"

Sesshoumaru's chin lifted slightly as he stared into space far beyond Jaken's small, cowering form. "You do not know where she went, when she left, or why?"

"No, milord," Jaken shook his head in fear. "This Jaken had no chance to tell her where the village milord chose was. And this Jaken can't possibly imagine why Rin would leave early. Stupid girl, to leave such a grand residence as the Western Castle earlier than she had to."

"She left, alone, in the middle of the night," Sesshoumaru commented quietly to himself. "Do the other servants have anything to add?"

"Only that she said she was going for a walk in the garden, milord. None of them knew of your decision. They had no reason to suspect anything." Maybe he wasn't going to get beaten after all, Jaken began to think.

"Did she take anything with her?"

"No one saw her carrying anything, Lord Sesshoumaru. But this Jaken noticed that Rin's bed sheet and naginata were missing from her room this morning."

_Good, at least she's armed, _Sesshoumaru thought to himself. He had left her training in the hands of an acceptable human master who lived outside of the castle walls, but he'd caught her on occasion practicing her katas. Though he doubted she was skilled enough to stand against him, or anyone for that matter – be it demon or human – with half his skill, her weapon would still offer her some protection. Most of the threatening rogue youkai had been exterminated in the years since Naraku's terror. She should be alright.

And that, he thought, would have to do. Vague, silent self-assurances.

Why hadn't he taken her training upon himself? A woman _should_ know how to defend and protect her family. That was the way of the era. It should have been his personal responsibility.

_Her family has never lain here._

"My lord?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes refocused on the little toad before him. His glare automatically caused the servant to throw himself onto the ground, face pressed to the ground.

"Forgive me, milord! This Jaken did not mean to disturb his Lord Sesshoumaru's thoughts!"

Sesshoumaru turned his gaze away from his retainer with imperceptible disgust. "You are dismissed, Jaken."

"Aye, milord." Jaken carefully rose to his feet and began to remove himself from his lord's presence. Before moving too far away, he could no longer help himself. It was impudent, but he asked anyways. "What will my Lord Sesshoumaru do now, about Rin?"

There was a moment's silence in which Jaken started fearing for his life again. He really shouldn't have asked. It was not his place. It was none of his business. The human girl could fend for herself. Lord Sesshoumaru did not like being questioned about anything. His lord especially did not like being questioned about Rin.

"Nothing, Jaken." Sesshoumaru spoke quietly. "Rin has left, as was intended. That she does not go to the place I decided upon is not important. I trust she will eventually find her way to a human village and live out her short life there."

End of story.

The grown human pup was no longer his concern.

His eyes followed Jaken's swift retreat from the private sitting room. His body relaxed slightly now that he was alone with his thoughts. The silence was calming.

The finality was…

Empty.

The castle, admittedly, felt empty now that she was gone.

He would never again set eyes on the woman, Rin. The child who had breezed into his life, who'd latched on and refused to let go as she grew. Not that she alone had held fast. He did not like to concede it, even to himself, but he had held on to her as well.

It had been an unhealthy relationship, surely. Not just because he was a taiyoukai, and the most respected demon in Japan, and she a human peasant, which was bad enough, but because he-

What?

What was it that bothered him above all else, where she was concerned? What was it that…

Frightened him?

He silently scoffed at the idea.

This Sesshoumaru feared nothing.

Rin had become far too large a part of his life. Where he allowed no one to enter, he did not keep her out of. In their ten years together, he had slowly come to…have some faith in the girl. He permitted her to see more of him than any other on the plane.

And that was simply dangerous.

Life's greatest lesson – trust no one. To trust was to open yourself to disaster.

He let his eyelids drift shut as he leaned back into the rigid chair and thought of past moments with Rin.

_"Lord Sesshoumaru? What were your parents like?" Rin's brown eyes gazed at him in open curiosity. She was at that age that humans called adolescence, when it seemed all of their cubs became far too inquisitive for their own good._

_"My father was a great man. A powerful lord." He answered. He did not like this subject._

_"And what about your mother, my lord?" she prodded._

_"She was a respected and powerful lady." Sesshoumaru's features tightened, but not enough for Rin to be able to see. _

_"Oh…" she chewed on her lip. He wasn't being very talkative, was he? But he was like that a lot, and she'd discovered long ago that a little nudging from her could get him to open up. "Inuyasha had a human mother?"_

_"Yes."_

_"How come?"_

_He remained silent for a moment while Rin waited patiently._

_"My father loved the human woman."_

_"Did he love my lord's mother?"_

_"No."_

_"Oh. How come? What happened?" Rin's brow furrowed with concern._

_Sesshoumaru breathed in deeply. How to satisfy the child's curiosity without saying what he did not wish to? "Marriages are alliances formed for power, wealth, or land, and for the purpose of producing children. For a lord, heirs. Love is not a prerequisite. Is almost never part of such a union."_

_"That's sad," she commented genuinely. "So Lord Inutaisho fell in love with a human and had Inuyasha. That must have hurt your mother. I wish I had known her."_

_"No, you do not." Something about the sudden change in quality of his low voice gave Rin pause. _

_"Why not, my lord?" she asked._

_"My mother was…not a pleasant person." With that, he refused to say another word on that specific topic, despite her further attempts at questioning him._

_"What happened to your father, then?"_

_Sesshoumaru's fingers twitched slightly as the acid in his body came rushing towards his claws. "The other feuding lords saw that my father had become weak. Because of that human woman. His blatant _feelings_ for her called them to challenge him for the Western Lands. He, and Inuyasha's mother, were killed in the siege."_

_That was the price of the idiocy they called love._

_Had his father done the logical and obvious thing, avoided contact with that woman, avoided love, and avoided spawning that worthless half-breed, he might still be standing strong today._

_But…he would never have known the happiness he found in the human's arms._

_Such short-lived happiness doomed to die at the hands of war, at the cost of power and glory._

_Pure foolishness. The long life of a taiyoukai cut so short._

_"What happened to your mother, my lord?" _

_"She was later killed by those same warlords." _

_"Tragic story," Rin murmured. "How did my lord and Inuyasha survive?"_

_"My hanyou brother was disguised and taken away by servants loyal to my father. I was away in the South, training, at the time."_

_There was a lengthy silence as Rin fidgeted. She wanted to know so badly, but she didn't want to make him angry with her personal questions. When at last her willpower ran out, she asked, "Lord Sesshoumaru…you weren't very close to your parents, were you?"_

_A rare, bitter smile curved his lips upwards unpleasantly. "No, my father and I were quite amiable. It was only my mother."_

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes and stood. What he wouldn't have given for more time with his father. A good man, Lord Inutaisho, in spite of all his weaknesses and terrible mistakes.

Not falling in love with a human woman, though that too was unforgivable. But-

The Western Lord slowly made his way towards the elegant mirror that hung on the far wall of the sitting room. His flawless reflection stared back at him from behind it. Long silver hair, a trademark of the inu youkai that were now so few and far between. It was perfectly maintained, as a noble's should be, unlike that wild buffoon of a half-brother of his. Inuyasha truly had no pride or dignity to speak of; he who wielded their father's fang like a primate.

Sesshoumaru's calm gold eyes heated slightly at the unbidden, bitter thoughts of his half-brother.

His face was finely carved; aristocratic. His clothes of the finest silk, declaring his status alongside the pair of swords at his left hip. A pity he couldn't carry the standard katana-wakizashi set. Tenseiga was a katana, but since it was useless in battle, he didn't have the luxury of pairing it with the shorter wakizashi blade. Toukijin, a long sword that radiated evil, accompanied him instead.

Such perfection - uncanny beauty of an inu youkai.

The waning black moon on his forehead declared him Lord of the Western Lands; land of the moon.

And the matching marks that swept from under his temple to his cheekbone and across his wrists, well…

They were an inu demon's hereditary trait. A declaration of demon blood. They appeared on Inuyasha when his demon blood escaped control.

Sesshoumaru's sudden, bitter laugh of derision would have frightened every last soul under the roof of his castle, had they been within hearing range. He threw back his head, and his shoulders shook slightly with the force of the sour sound.

A mark of demon-blood, indeed.

With a motion so fast, his eyes could barely detect it, he swung his arm in a wide arc before him, the deadly claws shattering the silver mirror. Shards of glass fell to the floor, the musical sound of their impacts almost soothing to the ears.

Sesshoumaru calmly turned from the mess and left the room.

* * *

Lyralina 


	6. 6

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

.

.

Rin came awake with a start, instinctively sensing the danger nearby. In a second she was crouched in a defensive position, her naginata clutched firmly in her hands. The dawn filtered in through the cave's small entrance, showing her that she was still alone in its shelter.

That meant whatever was out there was probably poised beside the mouth of the cave, waiting. Demon or just a hungry animal? She prayed to the gods that whatever it was, it would be easy to take care of.

Dangerous rogues had been exterminated, for the most part, she tried to reassure herself as she fought to suppress the rising hysteria.

_You'll be fine, just remember your training. Deep breaths..._

But her training was just that – carefully executed to ensure that no one was hurt. Just scenarios played out.

_Fake._

She was in no way battle-tested. She had no idea what she was doing! She was going to get _eaten_ on her first day away. Oh gods, where was Sesshoumaru? If he was here, she would have been safe. He would have protected her. There was never anything to fear when he was around to take care of her.

_Stop that!_

She would _not_ think along those lines. She was out here in the first place because of him. Because of him and his...rejection. So she would use this opportunity to prove herself, to him.

Prove herself to Sesshoumaru? Or to Rin?

She drew a deep, steadying breath, just as the creature pounced into the confines of the cave.

.

. . . . .

.

_Wolves._

_There were so many of them. They were so fast! So fast...so close behind._

_So close...gaining ground._

_She couldn't get away._

_At her heels._

_Claws, in her flesh. Pain...blood, everywhere._

_Teeth._

_Gods, so much blood. Was that her blood? Spots clouded her vision._

_Snarling snouts, acrid breath, such sharp, _sharp_ teeth..._

_Lying in a pool of her own blood, seeping slowly into the dirt ground._

_Pain._

_Death._

_Fear._

_Dying alone...so..._

_Unsurprising._

.

. . . . .

.

Rin stared into the yellowed eyes of the wolf, her mind trying to force her lungs to breathe.

Of all creatures on the planet, why did it have to be a wolf? Memories surfaced and threatened to strangle her before the wolf even had a chance to attack. How ironic that this would be the ending to the story of her life. This time, there would be no Sesshoumaru to bring her back with a Sword of Heaven.

No savior. No Tenseiga. A wall to her back, a predatory wolf before her, and only her naginata, in her hands, between them.

If there was one thing that traveling with Lord Sesshoumaru taught her, it was to never cower in the face of danger or death. She would not back down, and she would not roll over and die without fighting all the way down.

She survived so much, long ago. She could, she _would_ survive this, too.

Sweat beaded on her brow and a bead trickled down near her hairline. She repositioned the naginata in a slightly higher, much more confident position.

Let the wolf come. She could hold her own.

It pounced, and her mind detached; her movements of their own accord. Reflexes, highly honed, executed without conscious command. The creature flew towards her and she leapt to the side while her arm swung the polearm in a wide, graceful arc, attempting to intersect with the wolf's trajectory.

Neither managed to draw blood.

The wolf again tried to pin her to the ground, ferocious teeth snapping at her neck. Rin dodged, trying to maneuver closer to the mouth of the cave. Claws caught her lightly across her right arm, slashing through the sleeve of her yukata and causing a slight trickle of red fluid to flow, staining her clothing and exciting the wolf. She hurled herself out of the cave, preferring the open environment. The animal followed right on her heels.

Human and carnivore faced each other. After a pause, both sprung in unison. Teeth wanted to tear into soft, warm flesh; blade into tender, undefended underbelly. Blood seeped from both sides in minute amounts. The wolf grew angry, in pain, and so much more desperate. Rin grew tired, fatigue brought on more quickly by the slight blood-loss.

Again it pounced.

Teeth, claws, so close to her neck...

Rin could no longer feel the beating of her heart.

.

. . . . .

.

_"He will come for me! I know it! Lord Sesshoumaru will come!"_

_He always did. He always saved her..._

_"Let me go! Let me _go_! You'll be sorry when Lord Sesshoumaru gets here!"_

_He was the reason she lived. The reason she continued living. From the day that he'd revived her, and bound her forever without knowing it._

_It had been so frightening, the darkness. It was cold and warm at the same time, dark with strange lights coming towards her. Phantom spirits were all around her, holding her and carrying her further. Further away from the pain and fear and hunger of life. _

_No more pain...wouldn't that be nice? Yes, so nice. She was finally leaving the abuse behind. That's what she wanted, right? Freedom? From fear and loneliness and pain?_

_But...it wasn't her time. Something felt wrong. It wasn't supposed to end like this!_

_Wait! No! Don't take me! Let me stay! I want to stay! I want to stay! Please, stop..._

_The spirits holding her disappeared like mist and she was falling. Falling, so fast. Was that? Yes, sound! The sound of the forest. Of birds and wind and insects and animals._

_A strange, annoying voice shrieking strange words in the foreground of it all._

_And then...Him. With flowing white hair and striking golden eyes, dressed in an immaculate white haori and hakama._

_She felt at peace, and…happy. _

_She had found her home._

_...He always saved her._

.

. . . . .

.

Why? _Why?_ Why was she always in need of saving? Why _couldn't _she handle it herself, just once? Why did she have to be so dependent? Was he really that much better that she needed him so completely? Did she need him so completely that in one day without his protection, she would be _devoured_?

Was she really so useless?

As if, without him, there was no purpose to her life? So worthless, she was to serve as a wolf's breakfast?

Was _that_ the truth of all this?

That her only value was a part of him, of his entourage, kept for reasons completely unknown and often challenged? That as soon as she was disconnected from his powerful control, his domain, removed from the category of his possessions, she was finished?

_No!_

_No._

_No._

_NO!_

She moved as though possessed, attaining a speed she had thought beyond her "pathetic" human capabilities.

_I am _not_ just his...human _pet_! Even without him, I'm worth more than this! And I am _not_ going to get eaten today!_

She spun away just as the wolf was upon her. Its claws and teeth barely grazed her neck but she felt fire erupt across her scratched skin. The wolf landed and charged her again, sensing victory near.

It leapt.

The naginata's blade sunk deep into the creature's underside, slicing it from chest to belly.

The wolf lay, crumpled and bleeding, dying on the forest floor. Rin fell to her knees, eyes wide. She dropped her weapon, its brilliant blade marred by the vibrant color of blood. She stayed there, staring at the sight of her victory, stunned.

She actually did it.

Slowly, a tentative, trembling smile began to curve her lips, though her eyes stung with the threat of tears. She covered her face with her hands and let the tears flow, quietly sobbing into her palms. She was alive! She sent up silent thanks to the heavens as she kneeled there, crying. She was alive, and so much stronger. She really _could _survive!

She really could survive without him. Everything was going to be okay.

It was exhilarating, and…freeing.

Soft, laughing sobs came from her throat while the tears steadily subsided. She was alone, but alive. She was hurt, but not badly injured. She was hungry, but now at least she had meat for breakfast!

Rin grinned to herself one last time. She pushed her bangs out of her face and stood, preparing to cut apart the carcass and drag it back to the cave to cook.

.

. . . . .

.

Sesshoumaru calmly stood in the middle of the tea house. The servants manned outside opened the doors in unison, revealing his guests. Lord Kano and his daughter, Fire Elementals of noble lineage. It had taken a fair amount of careful planning and execution to manipulate them into this position.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I am honored," he bowed as Sesshoumaru bowed his greeting as well, though considerably more shallow then his guests' movement.

"Welcome to my home, Lord Kano. Please, have a seat," he motioned his hand towards the low, square table by their side.

The three of them knelt at the table, the elementals across from the young Inu no Taisho. The servant served tea as Sesshoumaru took the opportunity to study the well-comported lady that accompanied her father. She had yet to look up at him, her eyes firmly fixed upon the ground, then the table, as befitted a demure lady of her class. She was beautiful, with hair like flame flowing freely down her back. He could sense her aura, powerful and potent.

She was perfect.

"Now then," Sesshoumaru began once the servants had left them, "Lord Kano, what brings you here?"

The fire elemental cleared his throat and set down his teacup. His eyes met the other man's, stoic façade to stoic façade. "My Lord Sesshoumaru, I am not sure if you have been made aware of the circumstances that have befallen my lands."

"This Sesshoumaru has been informed," he replied.

Kano nodded slowly, "Then you must know that my men can no longer defend my borders adequately. The attacks from the North have grown too strong."

"You've come for my help." It was not a question.

"Aye, my lord," Kano conceded. "Should the North succeed in conquering my territories, they will be a considerable force to be reckoned with."

Sesshoumaru fixed his guest with a cold gaze. "I do not believe that is yet my problem, Lord Kano. Even if they gain your holdings, they would not yet pose a real threat to me."

Between the Fire Lands and the Western Lands lay a fair strip of territory that belonged to the Falcons. To date, Sesshoumaru had deemed it too much effort for too little gain to attempt to conquer them, though certainly it was possible. However, with the Fire Elementals attacking from the other side, the Falcons would easily fall, unable to properly defend two broad fronts at once.

"I can help you conquer the lands that lay between our two territories," Kano assured him.

Inwardly, Sesshoumaru smiled in satisfaction. "I think not. This Sesshoumaru is in no hurry to expand in that direction at the moment. In addition, I need no ally to conquer those lands. It is only a matter of time. I'm afraid I will have to reject your offer, Lord Kano."

The two taiyoukai's stared at each other for a long time, neither willing to move, both challenging the other.

Finally, Kano sighed and pressed his lips together before asking what he already knew the answer to be. "What is it you want from me, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

The fire princess glanced up for an instant at the Inu no Taisho. He caught her eyes and she didn't look away. Her expression was guarded, but fear and awe were detectable.

Sesshoumaru smiled coldly. She was the perfect candidate to be his mate, the mother of his children. His own mother had been a Poison Elemental, which was why he was so blessed with immunity to poisons as well as his Dokkasou attack. The fire princess, with such strong flame abilities coursing through her veins, her genes would combine with his nicely to produce strong, full-demon pups.

"This Sesshoumaru will take your daughter as mate, Lord Kano. I will help you drive the Northern soldiers far from your borders and secure your homeland. You will then assist me in conquering the falcons' lands, and they will become mine entirely. You will retain full rule over your territories."

"Akako is my only child." Kano said, tightly. She was, in essence, his heir. "Lord Sesshoumaru, you ask for too much."

"Not at all," he calmly argued, "For as long as you live, you will have this Sesshoumaru's sworn protection of you and your land, and of course, an extremely generous monetary gift of my goodwill. Afterwards, Lady Akako may have dominion over what was yours, with little interference from me. However, Lord Kano, I must remind you that you _are_ in fact on the verge of extinction." Silently he added, and Kano knew he was thinking it, _I could just as easily temporarily ally with the North._

A long pause. Lord Kano knew that he had lost from the moment he had decided to seek the Western Lord's help. "Very well then."

"I'm glad we could come to an amicable agreement." Sesshoumaru stood and gestured for his guests to do the same. "Now, if you would follow me, I will show you to your rooms. I presume you will be staying until the ceremony, Lord Kano?"

.

. . . . .

.

Weary and glad that the politics and formalities were finished for the night, Sesshoumaru stood silently on his bedroom terrace that faced the West. The sun was setting and it painted the sky like brilliant fire. So much like his soon-to-be-mate.

He could find no true faults with the Lady Akako. As a fire elemental, she was surely hiding a volatile personality, but he knew that even after they were mated, she would continue to hide it from him. Losing her temper in front of him, or worse, losing it _at_ him would be completely unacceptable and would not be tolerated.

_So you would allow her to be a tyrant whenever you were not there? You would allow her to unleash a fire's temperament on your children?_

Sesshoumaru ordered the thoughts silent. This was the correct path for a taiyoukai to chose. She would bear him true warrior-progeny that would follow in his father's footsteps. And in his own footsteps.

He stared at the red horizon a moment longer before slowly closing his eyes and inhaling deeply.

He wondered, was Rin faring well?

.

. . . . .

.

-Lyralina


	7. 7

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

Rin had lost track of the days, weeks and months as she journeyed in a direction that she could only pray would lead her to Inuyasha's village. The passing of time had ceased to matter. Day by day she fought off hungry animals and demons with her naginata and hunted small game with her manrikigusari. It was an extremely useful weapon and ideal for hunting – two weights connected by a length of chain. Swinging the metal and letting it fly towards the target brought her enough rabbits to sustain her quite well.

Her lifestyle was…freeing…in a way that she could not have previously imagined. Living happily in the castle where she was endlessly coddled, she would not have dreamed of a pleasurable existence in the wild. Each day she fought for her life, true.

But everyday she grew.

There was something so satisfying about being able to provide for herself. Yes, she would not be alive if it hadn't been for Lord Sesshoumaru. He had saved her once with Tenseiga and he had arranged for her to be trained in self-defense. Somehow, though, that no longer mattered quite as much as it used to. No, now it was simply Rin taking care of herself.

And it was wonderful.

As time passed, Rin's thoughts often turned towards questioning her pursuit. She frequently wondered these days…what was she doing?

Ahead of her she could see the vague outline of a village. The surrounding forest looked familiar to her. She was certain that she'd arrived at her destination.

_Now that I'm here… _why_ am I here? I came to get Tetsusaiga. To…win Lord Sesshoumaru's love. _

She felt like smacking herself.

_Rin! What were you _thinking?_ This was such a stupid idea!_

_What did you think was going to happen? Did you think it was going to be like, "Hey, ah, Inuyasha, can I have you sword?" and then Inuyasha would say, "Sure Rin! I don't need it! Give it to my brother who I've fought all my life over it! I think it's a great idea!" and then you'd go "home" and you'd say "Lord Sesshoumaru! Look what Rin brought you! Don't you just _love_ me now!"_

_Oh, this was _such _a terrible idea!_

_Maybe if I just turn around now-_

_But where would I go? Some other village to live out the rest of my life?_

_Okay, but this is just plain stupid. If I leave now, no one has to-_

"Rin! Oh my goodness! Rin is that you?"

_Too late._

"Um, yes. It's me. Hi Kagome." Rin looked down at her feet and shifted uncomfortably as Kagome ran the short distance towards her from the village entrance.

"Rin, I'm so glad to see you! It's been, what, five years? You've grown so much!" Kagome squealed with the kind of energy that Rin had always associated with her. Life and children had done nothing to dampen her spirit.

Rin tilted her head upwards to catch Kagome's eyes but then quickly turned away with guilt. _Of course_ Inuyasha would still need the Tetsusaiga! He would still be using it after all these years to protect his village and his wife and children.

"Is everything alright, honey? You look upset."

"Kagome…" she trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Hmm," Kagome paused in thought trying to figure out what might be going on. In all the instances that she'd met the girl, she'd always been full of energy and very talkative. Something was definitely out of place. "So what brings you to our place? You're carrying an awful lot of stuff. Here, let me help you take some of that. Why didn't you leave it with Sesshoumaru or Jaken?"

"Kagome-"

Kagome gasped. "He abandoned you didn't he? That slimy bastard! Oh, I _knew_ this was going to happen! Oh, Rin. You can definitely live with us."

Before Kagome could get another word in, Rin hastily interrupted her. "No, it's not like that. Well…I mean…maybe…I mean, that's not why I'm here! I…"

"I don't understand. It's okay Rin, you can tell me what's wrong. Do you want to come in and maybe talk about it over tea?"

Rin shook her head dejectedly. "No, I don't think it would be right. I came here because…well…because I wanted to get Inuyasha's sword, the Tetsusaiga."

She glanced back to Kagome's eyes, expecting them to harden at her words and to hear something along the lines of "Oh, I see. You're just like him then."

Kagome merely looked puzzled and asked, "I don't understand. Why would you want Tetsusaiga?"

Rin let her naginata fall carelessly to the ground then carelessly seated herself on the grass beside it. She buried her face in her hands but refused to cry. She had survived the journey because a purpose in life drove her on. Now that she was finally here, she had no idea what to do. When she felt Kagome's gentle hands take hold of her shoulders in comfort, she raised her head.

"You were right. Lord Sesshoumaru did abandon me. He was going to take me to some village where I could live like a normal person, but I left the night before without him," Rin mumbled.

"And then you came here?" Kagome asked quietly. Rin nodded in response. "To get Inuyasha's sword…?" The younger woman sniffed and bowed her head.

"I see," Kagome stated hesitantly. "Well, I don't know what happened. We haven't had any contact with Sesshoumaru for five years now, but you know, _I_ always thought he was something of a silly twit. Why on earth would he let you go?"

Rin said nothing.

"Come on, honey, come in for some tea and at _least_ stay for dinner. Tell me what happened. I promise you I'll do everything I can to help you."

Rin reluctantly agreed, not knowing what else she could do. To refuse the miko's hospitality would be terribly rude. At the same time, she didn't feel as though she should step foot into the village given the ridiculous and shameful reason that had brought her here. On the other hand, she hadn't _stolen_ the sword or anything, so really, what was the harm? She hadn't really done anything wrong.

The pair of women carried Rin's belongings to the charming hut that belonged to the village's resident guardian and miko. Over tea and dinner, Rin slowly and shyly told Kagome everything. From her long-time unrequited love to his callous rejection to her journey to seek out Inuyasha. Kagome never laughed at her.

During the evening she met the four hanyou pups that belonged to the odd couple. They were so happy with each other. It was evident in the way they looked at each other, in their playful bickering and teasing, and in the obvious love that reflected in their eyes when they gazed at their small children.

Rin couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy as she watched the obvious contentment that had grown from a union between a human priestess and a demon.

When it was far past time to turn in for the night, the couple, naturally, offered Rin their home. A part of her would have loved to accept the invitation. They were wonderful people with wonderful children and they didn't make her feel like an outcast or a misfit. Rather, they accepted her readily. But Rin couldn't dismiss the feelings that gnawed away at her. Saying any longer would mean more time watching Inuyasha and Kagome together. She didn't think she could bear it.

His eyes looked so much like her Lord Sesshoumaru's. That shade of gold…

She had survived just fine in the wilderness all this time alone. She would likewise be fine tonight. Of course, when they asked her where she would go, she didn't tell them that she planned on sleeping in a cave. They would never have allowed her to leave if that was the case. Rin quickly made something up regarding lodging somewhere else that was already arranged, thanked them for their generous hospitality and gave them her blessings for a happy and fruitful future.

She departed from the quaint village with a heavy heart. She wasn't sure there was a time she'd ever felt so alone.

_Where to now, Rin? You can't go home. You can't go back to Inuyasha's. You don't belong there either._

_What am I going to do?_

There would be a little human village. There would be some young man. Maybe a farmer, maybe a fisher, maybe a builder. He would see her and immediately notice her complexion and her lithe body. She was tanned from her adventures in the wilderness, but that didn't detract from the fact that she had spent most of her life in luxury – well fed, clean, and taken care of. She was young and she was pretty and she was perfect for childbearing. He would ask to marry her and she would say yes and they would live for the rest of their short lives as peasant and wife with non-descript friends and family and children. His hands would smell of either dirt or fish or maybe both and they would be on her nightly. And like the rest of her kind, she would grin and bear it and tell herself that this was her duty and that it would be over soon.

_It's okay. I'll be okay._

_I'll be okay…_

Really, what was she looking for in life? Certainly more than anyone else expected and more than she really deserved. In an age of constant warfare, where everyday was a struggle for every man and woman to survive and feed the children back at home, why did she feel like her life had to be the perfect romance with the perfect lord?

_I love him._

And maybe that was all there would ever be.

A monster pounced from behind her and instinct alone allowed her to throw herself to the side, drop her carrying pack and draw her naginata as she got safely to her feet. The giant lizard-like creature snapped its teeth in her direction. Acidic saliva dripped from its hungry mouth and a few drops fell on her skin when it whipped its head back in her direction. Rin ignored the burning sensation as she concentrated on her defensive stance.

_So he doesn't love you. Okay. It's not the end of the world._

The lizard lunged at her. She quickly side-stepped it and swung the naginata's blade in the creature's direction. It barely managed to nick the monster's side and served only to incense it. They faced each other again and both attacked simultaneously. Rin's blade scratched at the monster's scales but its claws managed to sink deeply into her thigh. Blood flowed down her legs, soaking the hakama she wore.

_Somewhere inside, you always knew that this was pointless. You can't make him love you. You can't win his affection._

She strove to get a clear shot of the creature's underbelly. It was her only hope, but it kept her well on the defensive and she couldn't find the right opportunity to strike. It slashed at her again, this time catching her forearm.

_And why does that _really _matter?_

Lunge, parry, stab. Rin continued to lose blood and she was beginning to notice the first signs of dizziness. No matter what, she would not let this monster kill her. No matter how much blood she lost and how weak she grew, she would not let herself become dinner.

_Did her life hold no meaning just because he didn't care? Was her worth only a variable in equations that he alone determined?_

The monster swiped at her head but she ducked in time and rolled out of its range. She held the naginata ready in front of her. She would not lose.

_The world's still such a dangerous place. I wonder how many people still die each day from attacks like this._

She lurched forwards and down, thrusting up with her blade. She almost hit her target. But when she pushed herself to her feet, the waves of lightheadedness hit her hard.

_But I've survived all this time. All on my own. I've protected myself from all these monsters._

The lizard again attempted to sever her neck. She blocked its claws with her weapon.

_I can live like this…all on my own. And I can protect other people. _

Acid burned her skin and claws raked her across her chest. Blood covered her body and further aroused the appetite of the monster.

_It's okay that he doesn't reciprocate what I feel._

She thrust the blade forward.

_I'm still alive. I'm still worth something._

The lizard slashed her across the cheek.

_And I will live. Without him._

It snapped at her neck.

_Because I can._

She stabbed upwards with all her strength.

_And it's okay._

The blade of the naginata buried itself deeply into the innards of the creature. Foreign blood flowed out and further drenched her. With her remaining strength, trying her best to ignore the nausea and fatigue she felt, she pushed the thing off of her and crawled to the cave nearby that had been her intended bed before she was attacked.

_I love him._

She gasped in pain as she reached the mouth of the cave.

_But I don't need him._

Thankfully it was empty. She set herself against the far wall and curled into a protective ball. Her movements were slow and stiff, every inch of movement agony and further impeded by her blood-crusted clothing.

_I will be happy in this new life._

She breathed shallowly, knowing that the chances of surviving to see the next sunrise in this state were next to impossible.

_I'm still alive – without him._

She lost consciousness.

_Lord Sesshoumaru, I wish you _every _happiness._

* * *

-Lyralina 


	8. 8

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

* * *

She was hurt.

No. She was dying.

Sesshoumaru had felt the pull of Tenseiga and responded immediately. In the library of his castle the sword had pulsed in warning and an unmistakable tremor had run through his body.

Rin.

Her mortal life-force was intimately connected to the Sword of Heaven and it had warned him the exact moment her life was truly in danger. He had reacted on pure instinct, dropping the large, aging book he'd held carelessly to the floor and seeking out the dragon. AhUn flew him swiftly in the direction of Tenseiga's prompting. The taiyoukai's expression revealed nothing but the speed of his pulse betrayed him completely.

_Why protect them? Why miss them? Why love them? _His voice sounded in his head mockingly. Had he not asked Inuyasha those very same questions in disgust?

_It is Tenseiga's call. _That was, after all, the original reason he had given the girl her life back when she was a child. That brief display of mercy had been no more than a test for Tenseiga's powers.

_Liar._

His Rin was hurt. Possibly dying. He feared that when he found her she would already be lost to him.

Why did that matter? If she lived today she would still die tomorrow. That was the way of her kind. They did not last.

But if he could provide even one more day of breathe in his Rin…

His eyes narrowed suddenly as he caught the scent of her blood on the wind. He hoped the acuity of his nose gave him enough time to get to Rin before any other predators smelled her. He urged the dragon to move faster.

The sickly-sweet odor of blood threatened to overwhelm him as they approached the cave he knew her to be in. She had lost so much blood. It was little wonder that Tenseiga had alerted him.

A handful of pathetic youkai were making their way towards the scent of helpless food. The very thought of them feasting on Rin boiled his blood. He signaled the dragon to swoop down as he drew Toukijin to slay them. Their screams and blood did little to soothe his nerves but he knew that his presence would keep others away from the cave. No empty-minded creature would dare approach an area with such a powerful source of youki resonating from it.

Quick strides brought him into the cave. Catching sight of the girl, her clothes torn and her entire body bathed in her own blood, his step faltered, though the hesitation would have been indiscernible to all but the most intensely observant of youkai.

She looked like she had been thoroughly ravaged by some disgusting creature. He could smell the lizard on her. Murderous rage pulsed through his veins and he found himself wishing that he could personally kill the monster. He considered reviving the thing with Tenseiga in order to do just that, but only after he had seen to Rin's health.

No one laid hands on _his_ Rin.

Sesshoumaru exchanged Toukijin for the life-giving sword. He stepped up to the girl. She was still breathing, faintly. She was still alive and some small part within him _rejoiced _at the knowledge. A single swipe of Tenseiga and she would be fine.

He slashed her with the healing blade.

A feeling stirred in Sesshoumaru that was entirely foreign. Fear? Despair? He could not name the emotion. His eyes widened marginally in surprise and dread. Had the toad or his half-brother seen the expression on his face, they would have known immediately that something was very, very wrong.

_Nothing was happening._

He slashed a second time, knowing already that it would change nothing. His Rin lay dying on the floor of a cold, dirty cave and there was nothing he could do. Nothing!

A sword of healing, a sword he had always despised for its weakness yet loved for its connection to Chichiue…its true saving grace was the gift it had given to him in the form of an adoring human girl. Now the sword could not even perform its only useful task. It could not save Rin a second time.

Sesshoumaru sheathed Tenseiga and closed his eyes. He lowered himself to one knee by the girl's side and reached out his hand to lightly touch her neck. Such a weak pulse. He knew that there was little time left.

There was no Jaken to do his biding, nor supplies to use. In his haste to reach her he had not spared a moment to retrieve either.

Without a second thought he began to shred his haori into long strips of fabric in order to bind Rin's wounds. If he could stem the bleeding for just a few moments, it would give him enough time to find his half-brother's miko. He carefully cut away parts from Rin's clothing in order to access the wounds they hid, only to find that it was impossible to wrap the fabric tightly around her. Red flooded his vision as his blinding hatred and anger grew. Damn that half-breed! The many years living without his left arm had allowed for gradual adjustment, but now, because of Inuyasha, Rin could die!

He promised himself that if that happened, he would seek his half-brother out and kill him once and for all. The miko and her pups would have to fend for themselves afterwards, but that was not his concern.

He couldn't carry Rin when she was so badly damaged. When she'd been a child it was possible to support her body on the length of his remaining arm and carry her in that fashion, but as an adult, there was no gentle method of getting a good grip on her prone body without opening the cuts that had begun to clot.

He couldn't afford to waste any more time. As it stood he couldn't forgive himself for the idiocy he'd shown up until this moment. Sesshoumaru sprinted out of the cave without a second thought, certain that the dragon would know to guard the cave in his brief absence. He moved with a speed that was undetectable by human eyes towards Inuyasha's village. His nose was the first sense to tell him exactly where to find the hanyou and his mate. He quickly located the hut and easily pushed the door open despite its lock.

"The fuck?" a male voice shouted, jarred from sleep.

In the next second, Inuyasha was in front of Sesshoumaru, looking at his older brother with incredulous eyes.

"Wha-"

"Your miko will come with me. Now." Sesshoumaru stated simply. His stoic appearance never wavered.

"Hey, look you jackass. You can't jus-"

"Rin was attacked. She is dying." The taiyoukai directed this towards the human woman who had appeared from the main bedroom who was studying cautiously. "There is no time for this. Get your supplies and come with me."

Kagome nodded. She turned away and ran to get her first aid kit and herbs. Inuyasha's eyes followed her out of the room, looking unhappy and slightly confused.

"What happened to Rin?" Inuyasha asked.

"That is none of your concern."

"The hell it isn't my concern!" the younger brother yelled. "_You're_ dragging _my_ mate out in the middle of the night! You had _better_ tell me what happened to that girl. You know she was friggen out there in the first place because of you, right? Yeah, she told us all about it."

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. For the first time since entering the hut, his preoccupation left him for a moment and he detected Rin's faint scent. She was here earlier. "Yes, Rin was here today with you. Why did you let her leave in the night?"

"We didn't! She insisted on leaving. She said she had other sleeping arrangements."

Sesshoumaru clenched his fist in rage. "Inuyasha, if Rin dies tonight, you will pay for your stupidity with your life."

At that moment Kagome reappeared in the room holding her equipment in her hands. Sesshoumaru moved without warning, so quickly that there was no time for Inuyasha to react accordingly. In the next instant, the two were already gone. Inuyasha growled in anger at the classically presumptuous and controlling attitude of his older half-brother. He ran to get Tessaiga and then leaped out the door, hot on the scent trail of his brother and mate.

He neared the cave that Sesshoumaru had taken Kagome to just as his brother came back out to face him.

Inuyasha drew Tessaiga. "You bastard! You can't just grab my mate and fly off!"

Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed in cold anger. He reached out and snapped his father's fang from brother's grasp with a flick of his poisonous claws over the delicate area of Inuyasha's inner wrist. The abnormal adrenaline rushing through Sesshoumaru's body lent him a speed and deadliness that wasn't quite characteristic of him, despite his incredible abilities. The hanyou cried out in pain and dropped his sword. The next thing he knew, there was a sturdy tree at his back and Sesshoumaru's hand was wrapped around his neck.

"This is not the time to further provoke my anger, Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru tersely informed him.

Inuyasha's claws dug into Sesshoumaru's arm as he tried to get his brother to loosen his iron grip on his neck. He kicked upwards, aiming for Sesshoumaru's sensitive regions which forced him to let go to avoid the blow.

"I think it's pretty funny that you're all riled up over a little human girl, Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha taunted. He lunged to the side towards Tessaiga, grabbed it, and held it ready in front of him. "Don't you think it's weird that you're all concerned about her dying?"

Sesshoumaru slowly drew Toukijin from its sheath. "I do not tolerate anyone harming my property."

"Huh. Funny. Cuz from where I'm standing, it looks to me like you've screwed her more than anyone else – including whatever attacked her tonight!" Inuyasha leaped forward, slashing with Tessaiga.

Sesshoumaru easily dodged the blow and returned a strike of his own. "Do not speak of matters in which you remain ignorant."

"Ha. You still think I'm completely brain-dead, don't you?" Inuyasha parried the attack. "But guess what Sesshoumaru? It's crystal clear what you've done to the girl – ruined her!"

"She lives because of this Sesshoumaru," he calmly informed his brother.

"Yeah? Why can't you save her this time? Is that sword of yours really as useless as you've always said?"

The brothers continued trying to tear at each other's throats. Tempers flared high as they always did when the two were in relatively close proximity. This time there was, however, one difference.

Sesshoumaru could not erase Inuyasha's voice from his mind - a voice telling him that _he _was Rin's downfall, and no other.

_I have harmed her. _

"Inuyasha!"

Sesshoumaru turned towards the miko who had just come from the cave. She ran towards them and planted herself in between the feuding siblings.

"I leave you guys for a minute and you still can't keep yourselves under control!" Kagome exclaimed in frustration. It always frightened her when Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru fought. Tessaiga evened the playing field to a large extent, but she still feared that one day Sesshoumaru's full-blooded abilities and training would get the better of her husband.

Sesshoumaru sheathed the oni blade. There were far more important matters at hand than a hanyou and his careless mouth. "Will she live?"

The miko nodded, though her lips were pursed. "She's okay, but just barely. You won't be able to move her for a few days or else all the cuts will open again."

"What more needs to be done?" he asked her.

Kagome sighed. "Nothing, really, until she can move again. I cleaned and wrapped the wounds." She paused. "If you don't need anything else tonight, I think Inuyasha and I'll go home. We'll come back tomorrow with some things that you'll need later."

Sesshoumaru nodded. "You have my gratitude."

"You're welcome," Kagome responded. "Come on Inuyasha. Let's go home and get some sleep. I'm exhausted."

Inuyasha growled. Frustration and anger were still alive in his blood. He reluctantly sheathed Tessaiga, all the while glaring at Sesshoumaru.

"Come _on_ Inuyasha," Kagome exclaimed. She was clearly fatigued. "Oh," she added in hindsight, "I removed most of Rin's clothing. It's not good to have all that crusted stuff on her. Maybe you could use your haori to cover her?"

Sesshoumaru nodded his response. The couple left him to return to their beds for the night.

He returned to Rin.

When he entered the cave he carefully averted his eyes, knowing that the girl would not be modest. Honor and respect for his ward demanded that he not look upon any part of her without her full knowledge and consent.

Inside the shelter of the cave, with his back to the girl, he dropped his pelt to the floor and began the tedious process of removing his armor and untying his obi with only one hand. When he was free of these, he took off his signature haori with the red cherry blossom pattern at the collar and sleeves. Still taking care of where his eyes landed, he walked to Rin and gently covered her with it. Finally, he laid the pelt out beside her and slowly and carefully shifted her body inch by inch until she lay fully on the pelt.

Sesshoumaru didn't bother to put his armor back on. There was no need. He remained clothed in two layers of kimono held together by the sash of his hakama. He seated himself by Rin's head to rest for the night as he watched over his ward. It was going to be a long night.

_Akako is not going to be pleased.

* * *

_

Lyralina


	9. 9

Tears of Rain

By Lyra Sanzennine

* * *

**AN: Please ignore this chapter (read it if you want but keep in mind that this portion of the story will be thrown out the window). I posted it after several weeks of mulling it over, but I've decided that I really dislike it and the way that the story is moving (with much appreciated help from my beloved best friend who I would marry if only she were a man). So it's still sitting here as a place holder because I don't want to deal with the iffyness of deleting chapters and stuff, but chapter 9 will be undergoing a massive rewrite. I'm really sorry. Thank you everyone who's still following this fic!**

* * *

Their relationship had never been particularly well-defined. Revoltingly, he was aware that most who knew of the girl's existence by his side either assumed that he acted as her surrogate father or that he considered the human his pet. Neither theory was even vaguely correct, but then, it was still difficult to say what exactly she was to him.

She had removed any possibility of a familial relationship between them from the very first day. Sesshoumaru could not recall a single instance of any fatherly affection towards the girl, even when she had been a mere eight years of age, and he a youkai who defied all concept of time. It was all very straightforward.

One simply could not view a girl as a daughter when said girl harbored overwhelming infatuation for oneself.

It had been apparent from the day she first stumbled upon him in the forest, weak and wounded. That day she had been a pre-pubescent human girl who wore her mortal heart on her tattered sleeve and the emotions of fear, wonder, curiosity, and…attraction in her expressive eyes. It showed only in a certain glimmer in her wide eyes that Sesshoumaru was well-accustomed to and recognized immediately. There was no spike of arousal in her scent, given her age, but there was no mistaking the expression she bore on her face.

_Beautiful_.

When she followed him, he allowed it, and silently explained his actions as acquiescing to the demands of his venerable father's sword. A simple, unwavering gaze silenced his subordinates quickly, so his motives remained unquestioned…by all except himself.

No, he had certainly never possessed any fatherly affection for the girl and therefore could not be accused of being so perverse as to be…attracted…to his "daughter." However, the truth, if not worded with perfect care, was equally scandalous.

He _had_ been attracted to the eight year old girl.

But _not_ in a disgusting way.

There couldn't possibly be a soul in the kingdom who would understand, which was just one of many reasons why Sesshoumaru had never spoken of the subject and refrained from addressing any questions by asserting his status and power.

It was not that he lusted after the girl. Children did not appeal to the taiyoukai - the mere thought of it was revolting. He didn't dream of her either, though he could tell _she_ entertained vaguely indecent dreams of _him_. He felt no desire to hold her in mutual comfort and enjoyment. He assuredly was not curious about the taste of her mouth or the hollow of her throat.

But her eyes – and her soul – now that was another story entirely.

He _did_ feel drawn to her in some extremely intangible, yet undeniable, way. It was in the way her small hands so guilelessly touched his in wide-eyed wonder, tracing the lines of the magenta markings that graced his wrists. In the way she looked at him with absolute, untainted trust in her expression and obeyed him quickly and without question, knowing with certainty that what he told her to do was for her safety and never for harm.

It was all so…foreign to him. She had been unexpected, initially unpredictable, and sometimes downright irritating in her impetuousness. Yet she shone with such pure _love_ that from the very beginning, from the moment she had first offered him her food, he had felt a distant portion of himself fall away.

She confused him.

How was she possible? How did a creature like her exist?

It was the sheer strangeness of her that had initially captured his attention. Such a curious little girl – far too happy, too giving, too naïve, and too damnably cute.

In the beginning, on her particularly hyperactive days, he often wondered if he was hallucinating it all.

The questions all remained, even as he determined that his perception of her was not a figment of his imagination, but in fact, truth.

Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands was impossibly old by human standards. Five years passed as fleetingly as the lifespan of an azalea blossom compared to the millennium of his existence. In that short time, as the azalea bloomed, Rin grew and changed.

Most frustrating of all, her scent changed as she suddenly came into womanhood. She cycled with the moon as did her pheromone output. The twelve short years with her had been bewildering to say the least. Unconventional and strange as their relationship was, its progression, at least, was fairly clear. His fascination for his ward remained strange and ethereal for nine years before a more visceral fondness began to manifest itself.

It had been entirely unacceptable but manageable for three years.

What was worse, the problem would have ceased to exist had everything gone according to plan! And yet he was here maintaining his vigil over the badly injured girl and finding himself incapable of really denying the truth that lay between them. The knowledge that none of this could end well bothered him greatly.

Sesshoumaru sighed soundlessly at Rin's unconscious groan of pain. They had remained in the cave for three days now. Countless treaties and local concerns needed to be addressed but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Not that a moment away from the cave would be unwelcome. To be honest, three days with a near-dead human girl inside a small cave was beginning to wear on his sensitive nerve endings.

She positively stank.

He wryly wondered why he was still there, voluntarily suffocating himself, when he could quite easily return to the western palace and leave the dragon to guard his ward.

"You can't move her before she wakes up," the miko had sternly warned him. "After she regains consciousness the first time you'll have to play it by ear. I don't know how long it'll take to heal, but you're definitely in for the long haul. I can come back and check in…"

"That won't be necessary. You have my gratitude for your services and will be well compensated." Sesshoumaru had replied stiffly. He did not want the priestess present more than was absolutely necessary. Irrationally possessive feelings had gripped him as though he was dismissing the woman because he wanted Rin's care to be his responsibility alone.

"Oh…okay," Kagome had replied in confusion. "You don't need to pay me. Rin's an old friend and it's the least I can do…" She had paused, unsure of what to do. She knew that there was no danger in leaving Rin in the demon's care and that he would follow her medical orders, but it was difficult for her to simply walk away from the situation without personally nursing her patient back to health. "Well, just knock if you need anything or if anything else happens. Here are the supplies you'll need. You have to change her bandages regularly…"

"I understand."

Tai youkai and miko had locked gazes and come to a silent and mutual understanding of each other.

Now Sesshoumaru pressed his lips into a tight line in frustration. He couldn't recall another moment in his long life when it had been so difficult to decide what to do. It was unthinkable that the health of a human girl was so flustering the great lord.

She desperately needed a bath but there was really nothing he could do about it. It would not only require moving her, which was not an option, but it would also require wetting her open wounds, which certainly was not an option. Her body would not be able to prevent spreading infections.

He needed to change her wrappings too.

And there was just no way to do that without discarding all sense of propriety. He would have a hell of a time managing it with one hand at that.

Not for the first time, Sesshoumaru wondered if perhaps, just perhaps, he had made a slight miscalculation in sending the priestess away.

It worried him how careless he had been in the past three days - first in forgetting the exact capabilities of Tenseiga and now in accepting full responsibility for Rin's rehabilitation. Tenseiga was a sword of _life_. 'Life' and 'healing' were unfortunately not synonymous; a lesson the aggression-driven lord learned only that day. Beyond reviving Rin he had never really tested Tenseiga's capabilities. There was just never any reason to. The sword had served a total of two useful purposes – the gift of Rin and passage to his father's tomb – and that was enough. Who was the great Sesshoumaru going to heal, anyways?

He still didn't know if he could revive the girl a second time. If his brother's mate had been unable to save Rin from the brink of death and she had slipped through his fingers, would Tenseiga have worked a second time? Quite possibly, he supposed. He did not see why the blade would not be able to kill the soul-carrying spirits a second time.

He was certainly not going to allow the girl to die a second time though, regardless of the sword's power.

Sesshoumaru stood slowly, loosening his muscles with unseen circular movements of his limbs. He made his way to the unconscious girl for the second time that day with unhurried strides. He knelt by her side and carefully reached out clawed fingers to gently trace the wound that marred her cheek. In the perfect privacy of the cave, the Lord of the Western Lands allowed his face a single moment to openly express the deep feelings of grief and guilt that held him fast. He knew that Rin would recover and would soon return to her usual energetic self.

He also knew that the injuries she'd sustained would always remain as scars.

The damage to her face was not terrible. In fact, had she been a man and survived the incident against a powerful warrior, the mark would be a welcome badge of courage and strength. The deep gashes scattered on the rest of her body _were_ terrible, though, and the knowledge that the world would not see any of them underneath the girl's clothing did little to soothe him.

Sesshoumaru felt the familiar rage boiling within his chest as he thought of the low-life creature that had dared lay claws on his Rin. It was unthinkable!

It was equally unthinkable that he, Sesshoumaru, had allowed this to happen.

He shouldered the full blame readily and silently.

It would not have mattered if her welfare didn't concern him in the slightest. There was even quite a period of time during her absence that it seemed he really _didn't_ care. For if the demon lord didn't care, then it didn't matter what kind of harm the human girl suffered, for she would not be his responsibility.

But the sight of her _tore_ at his heart in way that he could not have predicted and would have given anything not to feel. This sheer weakness for a human woman was appalling!

Or perhaps the disgust he felt for his emotions was not disgust at all but a defense to counteract the incredible guilt he felt.

He felt those emotions, and so, it had been his responsibility to protect his ward.

It had been his _failure _that caused her to lie so still within a cave, naked save for bandages and his haori, and yet still wearing some shred of soundless pride and dignity around her.

Ah, if only he could convince himself that his attachment to the slip of a girl was nothing and easily dismissed. If he could stride out of the cave, never to look back, certain in mind and heart that the pathetic mortal was not worth his attention…Then he would be blessedly freed from the regret and the shame that held him fast.

With the discipline of a warrior with centuries of training behind him, Sesshoumaru firmly pushed the distracting thoughts from his mind. There would be time later to indulge in such things behind an expression of perfect boredom. Right now he needed to figure out a way to change the girl's dressings.

Damn his twisted sense of conscience! He sorely regretted dismissing the miko now, especially knowing that he would never allow himself to return to her village and demand assistance a second time. He had wanted Rin's care to be his sole responsibility as a way to erase the nearly fatal error he had made. If she fully recovered in his care, he could largely absolve his own guilt concerning her.

But _how_ was he going to dress her wounds?

How was he going to keep the entire affair decent?

And by the gods, the girl _needed_ a bath!

Rin chose that moment to stir. The movement was barely detectable but Sesshoumaru's keen senses immediately discerned it. He stilled his own breath to fully observe her. She groaned softly when her natural instinct to get up proved too painful. Her brow furrowed though her eyes remained closed as she tentatively took a deeper breath until the movement caused too much pain.

Neither one moved for a long moment.

Finally, Rin broke the silence through dry lips. "Lord Sesshoumaru?" It surprised them both that she still instinctively addressed him deferentially.

"I am here," he softly replied.

Rin silently noted with a touch of derision that the tone of his voice sounded exactly as she remembered – gentle, and somehow commanding, but always impassive.

"Why?" She whispered, slowly opening her eyes to lock him in an unfocused gaze.

He held her eyes for a long moment. "Tenseiga commanded it." It was at least part of the truth.

She gave him a perfectly unladylike snort. "You're such a liar."

Rin took that moment to orient herself through the haze of pain and fatigue that surrounded her senses. She noticed the incredibly soft pelt beneath her and knew that it was the one that Sesshoumaru always wore. Somewhere in the irrational part of the back of her mind she felt a sense of guilt at covering it with her blood and dirt from her body.

She told that part to shut up.

The next thing she noticed was the fact that she was naked beneath what was probably his haori. It felt cool and smooth against her ravaged skin. Under past circumstances, she probably would've been happy to find herself in such a situation. Alone in a compromising situation with the lord she had fantasized about for years definitely had its advantages.

But happiness, at the moment, was not a possibility. Emotions assaulted her from every direction and confusion was the result. She wanted to cry and hit him and laugh at the joy of being alive. She wanted to scream obscenities at him and she wanted to run away and she wanted _him_ to go away and yet stay and yet-

"This Sesshoumaru does not approve of your attitude, Rin." He said, interrupting her thoughts.

By the gods, couldn't his haughtiness take a vacation once in a while, Rin wondered? She was not in any state of mind to deal with this.

"Right now, I really don't care, my lord." Rin answered evenly. She stifled a groan of pain when she shifted on her makeshift bed. "Besides, what are you going to do? Punish me?"

_There's nothing you can do now. Nothing-_

"Rin," he softly growled her name in warning.

_-you hold over me._

"Why are you really here?" She asked with her eyes fixed on the ragged ceiling of the cave. She really didn't expect him to acknowledge her after her blatant lack of respect.

She was largely grateful to still be alive and she knew that without his timely arrival – whenever that was – she would have been carrion a long time ago.

It _grated_ on her that she was once again indebted to him. Why did it seem impossible to escape the man? It was as if fate was hated her! It was as if she had just attained a sense of independence and self and _purpose_ in life and now suddenly she was exactly where she'd started! She was helpless and once again she lived because of him.

Had nothing changed?

She refused to believe it.

"I do not know." Sesshoumaru said.

Rin blinked in silent confusion before she remembered that she had asked him again why he was by her side. "_That _I believe." She told him with a small smile.

_This is so awkward…_

"What now?" she asked.

He sighed imperceptibly. "I do not know," he answered again in truth.

"How long have I been asleep?" Rin questioned him while attempting to shift slightly to her side so it would be easier to look at him.

"Two days."

"Oh."

The sheer lack of…anything…in the cave was really starting to make her uncomfortable. There was so little to say. There was even less to do except possibly stare at her lord, which didn't exactly seem like a helpful or proper thing to do at the moment.

There really wasn't anything to do but study him, however, so she did. That's when she noticed what he was wearing for the first time. The armor was gone and the collar of only one inner layer of kimono showed at his neck. The outer layer was an inner layer, a comfortable, high-quality cotton weave. White, of course, and devoid of any decoration. His yellow and purple obi was also missing. The sash of his hakama held everything in place.

This meant that the robe covering her like a blanket had to be Sesshoumaru's signature outfit. From her prone position she could only see a bit of white lying over her upper chest.

A small fire crackled quietly behind Sesshoumaru highlighting his pale hair with warm tones of yellow and orange.

The entire situation was suddenly far more intimate than Rin was comfortable with.

Damn him.

Sesshoumaru quickly noticed the subtle change in her scent and the way her muscles tightened defensively even though she couldn't move more than an inch in her condition. He was still kneeling by her side so it was easy to calmly reach out and place his hand on her shoulder to calm her.

He felt her jump slightly at the touch and saw the wince she tried vainly to hide when her sudden movement reawakened damaged nerve endings.

"Calm yourself," he commanded without force.

Rin gritted her teeth. "I'm not excited."

Sesshoumaru suddenly did something completely unexpected. He laughed.

Rin was highly alert now. Didn't Jaken always warn her about this sort of thing when she was a child? Something about the man's strange moods and how if he ever appeared happy it was probably because he was going to kill you and take great pleasure in doing so.

The taiyoukai looked at her pointedly with an eyebrow raised. "Now who is lying?"

She blushed. This wasn't at all fair. He could read her feelings like an open book with his senses while she had no such advantage. Rin desperately needed to change the subject to help her get her mind under control. If all else failed, she was prepared to try to sit up. The pain would erase any trace of arousal.

"So you don't know why you first came. And you don't know why you're still here. And you don't know what we're going to now?" she asked him.

"You are my responsibility. My ward." He answered her evenly. "That is why I came and that is why I remain. You will, of course, stay here until you are capable of moving."

Rin narrowed her eyes at him. "Is that so?" she demanded. "I don't think you've been very successful with your 'responsibility' then, Lord Sesshoumaru. I'm not exactly _unharmed._"

"You are alive. Little else matters."

Rin seethed, grateful that anger kept her from thinking of how incredible the man looked in his inner clothing and how very naked she was beneath his outer clothing.

"How dare you?" she snapped, wishing that she could move. "Kindly remember why I was out here in the first place!"

Sesshoumaru didn't blink. "I do not recall sending you out alone in the middle of the night to fend for yourself in the wild."

"But you did send me away! There's no difference!"

"You were to be delivered under full escort, with and all of your considerable belongings, to a safe place with other humans," Sesshoumaru countered. "There is a world of difference."

Her angry demeanor cracked slightly and she fought to keep from showing it. "There's no real difference," she softly insisted. "That night you removed any _responsibility_ you had. So why are you here?"

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a moment. His hand still rested lightly on her shoulder.

_Why?_

He opened his eyes slowly and fully took in the sight of the diminutive girl before him.

_Good question._

The sight of her pain tore at him, though his face betrayed nothing. This small human girl, so-

_beautiful_

weak and yet somehow so captivating. He wished there was more concrete logic behind his fascination with her. It should be in his blood to select for the healthiest and most powerful female to carry his children. And yet here he was, unable to tear himself away from a slip of a girl who would inevitably leave him faster than he would realize.

Disgusting, really.

_Revulsion is easier._

Didn't his affection for her remain within the comfortable bond they had forged through the years as guardian and ward?

_Denial is simpler._

That damnable _scent_ was back.

His hand moved slowly, lightly, trailing up from her shoulder, along the smooth line of her neck to the curve of her cheek. With one finger he gently traced the line of the healing gash that dared to desecrate her face. The touch was nearly imperceptible, more like the barest sensation of heat than actual contact.

Rin's breath caught.

Her eyes met his. Their normally cool yellow hue now appeared the shade of dark honey in the lighting of the cave.

His gaze dropped lower to rest on her lips, slightly parted in surprise.

"Lord Se-"

His forefinger easily continued its journey from where the cut on her cheek ended to the corner of her mouth. He slowly stroked her lower lip almost absentmindedly.

"Why?" He repeated her question aloud. "I wish I knew, Rin."

_This is a huge-_

He lifted his eyes from her lips to meet her gaze.

_-mistake._

Her warm brown eyes were wide in surprise and at that moment, it was possible for the taiyoukai to admit, if only to himself, that pushing and running were useless gestures.

He leaned in towards her, knowing with every second that he was making the worst decision of his life.

"My lord?" she whispered.

He kissed her.

* * *

AN: I try really hard to avoid author's notes, but it's been a while since I last thanked my reviewers for their words. Thank you all so much! I really do appreciate your comments. The email alerts I receive for reviews are what keep me coming back to this story even after totally ignoring it for months. You guys absolutely rock.

Along the same lines, I really don't like begging for reviews, but to be honest, I'm feeling pretty discouraged these days. I've held off on posting this chapter for weeks and actually sought out a beta reader for the first time in a year or two. (Thanks Katie!) Shakes fist at people like Resmiranda and Asiancherries You guys really put me to shame. :)

And in case anyone is wondering, eventually, someday, when the plot warrants it, there will be (multiple) lemons. Off-site of course. Come on, who doesn't love citric acid? It's so colorful and happy!

Lyralina


End file.
